let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
