I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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