But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize