So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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