If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
