We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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