I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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