I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
