i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize