your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
