the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
