So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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