I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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