I have demons in me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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