He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
