there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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