My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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