I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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