Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
