my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
