Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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