dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
