I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize