this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
