Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
false alarm. still invincible.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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