Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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