woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
