I wanna passion pit in your ass
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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