so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
