I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
