you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
