I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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