Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize