I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
