3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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