My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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