josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
