she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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