i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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