Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
