If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
