Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
