Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
