i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
