I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
