So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
