No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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