Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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