smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
