I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
