I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
