My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
