Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
