I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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