look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
