I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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