i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
