i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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