at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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