Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
