First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Floor bacon is actually really good
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
