and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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