Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
