Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
