I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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