so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
