the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
