In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
