he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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