I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
