i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
