My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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