That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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