East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i would one night stand the shit outta him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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