Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
