It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
