I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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