So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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