How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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