she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
