Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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