Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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